We started job searching on Monday, July 25, 2011. I made up a resume for her with what little experience she has in babysitting and some made up volunteer work at church. We tried every strip mall in the neighborhood. Once we completed submitting applications to Marshall’s, BJ’s Wholesale Club, Dollar Tree, etc we turned to the mall. We left the mall for last because it’s further away and she will need me to drive her until she can figure out what bus can take her to the mall.
This whole process has been involuntary on her part. She doesn’t want to get up at the time we agreed on. She reneged on all her promises and agreements she made with me. If you want to find a job you need to wake up early be out there early enough to show a potential employer that you are serious about finding a job. Well not Miri, she gets up at 10:30am, drags her ass to the shower at about 11:00am. The shower is about a 30 minute ordeal. We don’t leave the house until about 12:00 or 12:30pm. I know she doesn’t on purpose thinking that I will eventually give up on taking her to the mall. She is very mistaken on that. Although I'm frustrated I am standing strong and will take her to the mall at whatever time.
Well as I wait for her to get ready for her job search, she emerges from her room dressed like she is going rollerblading or a family picnic. Let me give you a picture, she is wearing a pair of beige shorts, with a little of white tee and some sneakers. I suggested that her attire was not right for the task at hand but I got my head bitten off. I let it go because if I don’t then I will fall in her venomous trap.
The scowl on her face projected hate, frustration and honestly death. As she made her way into the mall all I kept thinking was this is the face that a potential employer will see. They’re going to ask her to leave as easily as she made her way into their place of business.
This is serious business. She is selfish and self absorbed. I don’t know how to talk to someone who doesn’t want to be helped. Everything I try to tell is received with resistance and a “GET OUT OF MY ROOM.”
Right now I need to go, but I’ll be back with more.
Prima 'm sorry for your frustration! Ugh, I'm sure I don't have to tell you that teens are difficult. And what may effect one, may not effect the other. I have to say that therapy is the best, first step IMHO.
ReplyDeleteMy first thought is that there is something inside of her that she needs to identify (a therapist can help bring that out) before she can make any forward movement in finding a job. As much of a struggle as this is for you, she probably is just as frustrated. As I'm sure you know you can't feel good about anything if you just don't feel good. She has to want the job in order for the search to be sucessful. It sounds like you are doing everything in your power to help, but are coming up helpless.
A good therapist will be a great mediator between you two. And time alone with her and the therapist may help her to identify with the root of the problem.
I was young when I took custody of my two older kids, with their dad. Now that I'm older I look back and see where I could've done/said things differently. Also, as much as I tried to keep the memory of their biological mom alive, my oldest daughter still resented me.
Time has passed and boy do I regret not getting her counselling. Now, we are best friends and she does acknowledge that I did as best I could for taking on that responsiblity at 21. It took a long time before we could have that conversation and actually, we had a mediator also. It was her God sister (who was very close to her mom). I didn't mean to right a book here, I'm just hoping that I can offer something that may help and share my experience. We can talk more if you like. I think you are a great mom and admire your ability to reach out for help. Love you both!
Michelle